you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
