Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Randomize
