I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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