please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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