Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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