What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
