Too much gin, very little bucket
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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