its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
