So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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