thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Randomize
