**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
