I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
