Your dad touched me again.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
