i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
