fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
