you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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