Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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