was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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