last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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