we have officially lost it.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
