get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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