Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
