I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
