Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize
