I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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