I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
No subtext here. People are naked.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
