70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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