Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
