so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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