I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
