DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
