If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
