Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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