Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
