I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
