Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
