do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
