your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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