We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
