DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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