i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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