I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
