Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Quick, to the slutcave!
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
