Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
