finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
