Tell her she can't have a vagina
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
