my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
