I hate your face
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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