Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
