If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I'm having to shit out rocks
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