I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
