Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
