Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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