I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
