It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
