Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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